Things that Go Bump in the Night...

The morning of Thursday, December 18, I think I feel you for the first time. I am sat on my toilet looking out at the snow and the trees. My midwife told me it might feel like gas, but I sense the little bubble that has burst in the lower part of my belly is not indigestion. It feels different somehow. I sit in wonder, waiting for more reassurance. Instead, I must shower and get ready for work.

It is called the quickening. I wonder why? I feel as though I've been waiting all my life to experience this amazing sensation! Sheila Kitzinger writes in Rediscovering Birth, that, "'Quick' is old English for 'alive'" and that, "in all cultures, quickening is recognised as an important transition in the process of becoming a mother."

Saturday morning. December 20. Tomorrow is Yule or Winter Solstice and tonight I am hosting a Solstice Soiree at my home. I have an insurmountable list of things to accomplish, but I lie in bed because the bubble I felt on Thursday begins to burst more than once. This time, I am sure it is you. My heart swells and my eyes fill. I am dialing my sister's number to tell her. Everything I do that day in preparation for the celebration of the Solstice is coloured by the fact that you have finally made your very real presence known to me. The grocery aisle is as exciting as a rollercoaster ride. I lower the window on the way to the Blackberry Bog so the wintry air can bloom roses on my cheeks. I touch the Scotch pine to thank it for being my yule tree before the man who sells it to me starts to chop it down. The strong scent of its needles inside my car fills my nostrils and I breathe deeply, my soul singing in elation of this day. Talk about a tiny light beginning to grow the longest night of the year!

Two weeks have passed since first contact and now daily, I feel your little bumps and grinds inside my womb. You are growing bigger with each day. When I lie down at night, you become most active. You push and press and kick and tumble. Each time you say hello in this way, my spirit soars.

I feel as though my very heart has fallen into my belly and is floating around inside there, banging against my womb walls to redefine Joy for me. You are my heart bursting and bubbling and blooming inside this tummy. I cannot wait to hold you, to kiss you, to press you to my breast, to smell your hair, to whisper to you, to touch you and to love you unconditionally forever.

In five months, I will look into your eyes. I will nuzzle your tiny neck and kiss your delicate fingers, your button nose. For now, your kicks keep my heart skipping a beat. Goddamn, I love you, my little star. You are all I am living and breathing for. You are whom I've been waiting for all my life. It won't be long now. At 22 weeks, I am more than halfway there. This has been one long journey and you feel closer than ever with each kick. I don't need to sleep to feel I am dreaming, that this long dream I've dreamt is finally coming true, finally manifesting. What a happy new year 2009 is for me!

The happiest I've yet known...but then again, wait until next year ;) HA!

Maternity Photography: Mattitude Photography

Music: In the Still of the Night, Cole Porter