You want to cry right along with them when there is nothing that consoles them. But you can't. Maybe you do once they're asleep. Maybe late at night. Maybe you feel so knackered and unsure of yourself, so tired and sad about feeling you failed that day to make him smile, to stop the tears. Maybe you send an e-mail you shouldn't. One you feel sorry 'bout. A weak moment you hope can be forgiven...
Sometimes being a single parent on the challenging days makes you question if you are always doing the right thing, if you are making the right decisions, the best ones. There is no second parent to assure you so you just cross your fingers and hope you're doing your best. Late at night, maybe doubt slips in. Fear. Exhaustion. Worry. Grief. Loneliness. In my heart, I know that no day is bad enough I could EVER regret my decision to pursue motherhood. I would never trade this in for anything. Truly, I gladly take the hard days right along with the easy ones. I feel like a heel because I know no matter how hard my hard days are, others on the planet are experiencing REAL hardship elsewhere. What do I have to complain about at the end of the day? Absolutely nothing. I am blessed. So very blessed.
Thankfully the next day dawns and he is giggling when he first awakens. You whisper little prayers of thanks to gods you don't even believe in but maybe should. What a relief to see him so happy again, his usual self!
This week we get in the car and drive to buy a pumpkin out near where we used to live and I carve it (my first one since a little kid myself) and we dress up in costumes expecting hordes and hordes of trick-or-treaters. Only 12 kids actually brave the snow (yes, it snowed) and make the rounds and we have so much leftover candy, it's ridonculous. But what a treat to have kids come to our front door all decked out! To be in a neighbourhood! I hadn't had hallowe'en trick-or-treaters in a decade when I lived rurally. We had a lot of fun and our first trick-or-treaters were very special cousins to my Sonshine.
November 1st begins the Celtic New Year. The Festival of Samhain. And so we begin a new year in a new home all our own. Let's hope the next year brings less tears, much less stress, lots more laughter and joy!
Happy New Year, everyone! Enjoy the haunted pics below...
hitting pumpkin jackpot
don't be scared, come watch mommy carve the pumpkin!
oops. mommy broke the knife. merde.
oops. mommy broke the knife. merde.
hey! she has teeth, just like me!
hmmm. let's see. could I possibly be cuter? uh. nope.
mama, stop chasing me round the island!
grownup treats for the parents
a little kitten familiar for his witchy mama
these should last until Easter. 2012.
glow best in the dark...
7 comments:
ha. lovely pics...sonshine is adorable in his costume...happy new year to you...and i hope the new home works wonders for you both...
Hey, I didn't know that there were treats for the parents! :)
I wanted to bring the girls to your place, but they lost their stamina by about 7:15!
Maybe next year!
i love how the porch reminds me of Boo Radley's place. kinda. well. um. sorta. in a warm, inviting kinda way...hmmmm. okay. maybe it's nothing like it.
Tricia - there are STILL treats for the parents in the fridge and they are still fresh (though how I know this, I will never admit, myself).
So glad your sonshine's happy again. gorgeous pics of him. Happy Samhain.. we have just celebrated Beltane here in NZ.
Hello there! Good to see you back, and wish you happy times, many of, in your new home. it looks beautiful, and yes, your porch is inviting.
Teething IS hard, i still remember it! Calpol, in our case, was the saviour - I gave it reluctantly but it did help. Oh, and i gave up too on the "sugar-free" version! You'd do anything to ease their pain, wouldn't you?
What I give him is this naturopathic stuff called Camilia and we do find it helps, but it was a molar. I think it was just that bit more intense for him. I broke down and gave him some infant tylenol. Yes, you would do anything to soothe them, for sure! :)
Your Sonshine is such a beautiful boy...sigh....and he is adorable in his costume! It sounds like your moving has turned out so well. As hard as it was to get your old home ready to sell and then all the patience of waiting for the buyer, then all the packing, moving...well you did it!
The little cakes looked soooooo good!!!
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