Thursday, December 31, 2009

Blue Moon

Tonight is the final day of the best year I've experienced in my life thus far. I thought 2008 was pretty great. I'd spent some of it loving a (new) special someone. I spent the last part of it planning for my own special someone and realizing that dream via In Vitro Fertilization surgery. The fact that the surgery was successful on its first attempt was mindblowing and 2008 ended feeling the kick of a baby inside me that December for the very first time in my life (fourth pregnancy, first kick).


2009. Now there's a year that will be tough to beat. Hard to imagine topping the joy of experiencing the burgeoning of an unexpected (though hoped for) pregnancy and the elation of pushing your first child between your legs out into the world after you believed for more than a decade that you were infertile...2009 was one damned good year.


But that doesn't mean I'm not optimistic. I think 2010 promises a plethora of wonder and laughter and joy yet to come in my life thanks to my beautiful, blossoming son.


He's asleep right now in his crib, arms curled around the little, white, fluffy bunny one of his aunts gave him. There is a roaring fire in the woodstove and I'm getting ready to open a tiny bottle of bubbly and drop a couple of blackberries into the glass. At around 11:45 p.m., I will lift him silently out of his crib and try to keep him asleep while I dress him in his snowsuit. Then I'm going to wrap us both up and take him out onto the back deck for when midnight strikes so we can keep the pines company and get a clear glimpse of the moon.


See, tonight, on this very special New Year's Eve, a blue moon will be shining brightly, illluminating the start of 2010. And you know what they say about blue moons. They only come around once in a...well, you know. A blue moon happens when there are two full moons in one calendar month. But it's pretty rare for them to happen on New Year's Eve. That's about once in a generation.


The last time there was a blue moon on a New Year's Eve, I was 23 years old, just about to turn 24. Another decade had begun. It was December of 1990. The following year would be pretty damn special itself:  the summer of '91, I get lost on my own in the fog for hours on the Southwest coast of Ireland and this mystical experience affects me greatly; my outlook, my spirit, my future. That same summer, I head to England to study Yeats and Other Irish Poets as well as Modern British Drama at Cambridge University towards my English degree back home. It's the last time I see my Aunt Rita alive and spend time with her. That autumn, I finally begin the degree I truly want to pursue (Drama) and as winter nears, I meet my first love. Like I say, 1991 held some extraordinarily special moments. I was still so young, still figuring out my life the last time a blue moon happened on New Year's Eve. I still had my whole life ahead of me, so to speak.

I'm hoping I still have a good chunk of life ahead of me now. Haven't figured it out yet, but I'm winging it as I go and enjoying myself. And tonight feels extra special.

We're having a quiet New Year's, my son and I. I just wanted to share it alone with him. In this old farmhouse that I'll be sad to leave but must come spring.


Ending my marriage almost 3 years ago was the first of several monumental changes that have happened since in my life; becoming a mother not being the least, but the greatest, in every respect.

The next time a blue moon occurs on New Year's Eve, it will be 2028. My son will be 19 years old. I doubt he'll be spending that particular New Year's with me, but I know what I'll be doing. I'll be remembering tonight, the last time there was a blue moon, a second full moon, in the calendar month of December. The night of our first New Year's together. The night I held him as ma wee 7 1/2 month old laddie in my arms. The night I bundled him up against the cold and the snow and we strolled outside to gaze up at the rural sky above the farmhouse that was his first home (and mine).

And I'll be happy to remind him that the exuberant brightness of the full moon that night was still dull in comparison to the sonshine that he is, lighting up my arms and my heart and my soul and my life the way he has and, I'm sure, will continue to for many years to come. Yes, I think 2010 promises to be one amazing year! Though, with all the candles I have lit in this farmhouse, 2010 may never hold a candle to how wondrous 2009 was for me. Still, it may yet prove me wrong. ;)

At least this New Year's Eve, I can smile and truthfully sing,
Blue Moon, now I'm no longer alone...
without a dream in my heart,
without a love of my own...


Happy New Year, everyone!
All the best of health and happiness to you and yours in 2010...

Maternity Photography: Mattitude Photography
Music: Blue Moon, Ella Fitzgerald

8 comments:

Life After You said...

He is beautiful. Congratulations.

Ciara said...

Warmest wishes to you and that little bundle of joy of yours for a most wonderful year to come!

Sending hugs to you both, from the east coast if misty (and now snowy!) Ireland!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

C x

Brian Miller said...

a good year indeed. beautiful new life...i hope you both have an incredible new year...

the b in subtle said...

thanks all of you. and Ciara - i'm so thrilled you've snow at last! ;) Happy 2010!

Cabo said...

Happy New Year!

Tricia Orchard said...

Oh my. Your posts always leave me with tears in my eyes.

Happy New Year to you and your little love.

Tricia

johnny said...

awesome story....wow!!! 1991.....that was a monumental change for me too....you read my post...that was the end of the summer that I suddenly moved from Cali to the northwest ....
Where were you in SW Ireland....? My first trip to Europe me and my buddy Dan ended up there too...the ring of Kerry...and my favorite: the Aran Islands....

Congrats one the miracle of yer son....as the sayng goes: "Between the WISH and the THING, life lies waitin'"

happy NEW YEAR!!

Sparx said...

Happy New Year - I'm envious of the peace you have. The moon was beautiful here too - here's to 2010!